What’s the worst thing you can do on Instagram when there’s nowhere to hide. Here, we take a look at the most ghastly gaffes of them all.

You may yearn for simpler times before Instagram had us in its clutches. But yearn all you like, because – with its 800 million users – Instagram really does have us in its clutches. It’s up to you to make sure that you use the app in the least irritating way possible, however many followers you’ve amassed. To protect yourself, avoid the peccadilloes below.

PLONKERS WHO PLANK
One of the worst facets of social media is the narcissism it engenders. Since when did it give anybody any pleasure at all to watch you work out? That shot is for you, not for us. All it does is make us feel cross, envious and fat.

TOO MUCH INFORMATION
Sure, we all want our posts to be viewed and liked. That’s the whole point, right? But please never, ever put a note in Stories telling us you’ve a “new post up” on your feed. Tragic. And hectic.

IT’S SHOWTIME
People who post shaky-handed, muffled and indiscernible videos of the concert they’re at should be banned. We get it: you’re cool because you’re at a gig. It’s just that the vibe doesn’t translate to Instagram, OK?

FILTER FIBS
Holidays are a thorny area on Instagram in any case. Whatever you do, though, don’t pretend you haven’t used a filter (#nofilter) when true obsessives can see at a glance that you have.

DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
The worst of all Instagram crimes has to be thanking a brand for, say, the shoes you’re wearing in the shot (for example: thanks @louboutin), as if you were some kind of hot influencer representing the brand, when in fact you’ve just blown your month’s food budget on the shoes, like normal people.

It’s a brutal world, the social-media one. Even people who “like” your posts will be rolling their eyes, screen-grabbing your posts and fuming about them on WhatsApp if they’re annoying enough. You’ve been warned.

April 2018