New Mothers and Grandparents

I am expecting my first baby, and already feel torn between the possessiveness of my mother and my mother-in-law. The latter is a formidable lady and I seem to lose any will to fight. I don't want to upset my mother, my husband or my mother-in-law. In the end it is me who is getting upset. Gina Day, Brighton

This should be a wonderful time for you whilst you are awaiting the birth of your first baby. It’s a time for dreaming and planning - not for worrying about mothers and mothers-in-law. But keep in mind too that this is an important time for those two mothers - and that when women are about to become grandmothers a change seems to come over them. Of course, it brings back all kinds of memories for them both of when they were young mothers, and they will both be bursting to pass on some advice. Actually ‘grandma’s wisdom’ can be worth quite a lot, and after all, babies are old-fashioned things.

But they will also have to take on board that times have changed and you will do some things quite differently. Try to talk to your husband before the birth and tell him how much you want a special time just for the three of you. Accept any help you need (and you will probably be glad to do so), but if there is too much on offer your husband may have to be the one to say ‘hold on a bit’ to both mothers.

You must keep in mind that you are now in the driving seat, and once you have your baby in your arms you will know that. Be confident in yourself, and above all trust your own feelings. Although your mother and mother-in-law may seem strong and even formidable, they are really two women whose arms will be aching to hold that baby. If you can accept that, you will find you won’t be so cowed by them, and you will earn their every-grateful thanks for making them a grandmother. Good luck.