Bullying

Only a few weeks into term, and already the ugly side of school playtime begins to emerge.

It is estimated twelve children a year commit suicide as a direct result of bullying. Twelve children too many. Of course, not all cases result in such tragic and unnecessary outcomes, but a Sheffield University Study in 1994 found that in Britain 10 per cent of primary school children and 4 per cent of secondary are bullied once a week. Bullying is far too common and is an experience no child should have to experience.

As parents, it is never too early to learn to recognise the signs and help stamp it out as soon as it rears its ugly head. Bullying, as prevalent amongst girls as boys, can take many different forms :
* Actual physical violence.
* Threats of violence.
* Verbal and emotional - such as name calling, sarcasm and teasing.
* Racist and sexual bullying.

Signs to look for if you think your child may be being bullied:
* Changes in behaviour, for example becoming withdrawn or lacking concentration.
* Changes in their routine, for example changing their route to school.
* Low self-esteem, shyness and isolation.
* Requests for money or stealing from you.
* Unhappiness during the week.
* Physical signs such as tummy aches, nightmares, bruising and bedwetting.
* Truancy from school.
* Bullying other children.

What to do:
* Give the victim the opportunity to talk and let them know you will always listen.
* Listen carefully.
* Ensure they do not feel they've done wrong - remember no child deserves to be bullied but some bullied children can imagine it is their fault.
* Do not overreact - Children need calm and rational help.
* Ensure you believe your child and do not be fobbed off by dismissive authority figures. Parentline Plus research showed that many parents feel they will not be taken seriously if they made a complaint.
* Seek experienced advice (see below).
* Contact support groups (see below).
* Take suicide threats seriously, seeking professional help immediately.
* Contact the school. Don't wait until parents' evening. Heads and teachers have a responsibility to investigate the allegation immediately, resolve the situation decisively, making it clear that bullying will not be tolerated, and give you regular feedback.

Who to turn to for support:
Visit www.bullying.co.uk, a redesigned and excellent site offering information for children, parents and teachers.

Visit www.kidscape.org.uk, an organisation providing leaflets and booklets for parents, children and teenagers about bullying. They also run a helpline on 020 7730 3300.

Visit www.ace-ed.org.uk or call The Advisory Centre for Education on 020 7354 8321 for advice and help.

Call Parentline Plus on 0808 800 2222, a helpline offering information and counselling. They can also make referrals to local Parentline groups.

Childline 0800 1111 is a 24 hour helpline for children with any problem.

Careline 020 8514 1177 offers telephone counselling for a range of problems including bullying.

Visit www.samaritans.org.uk or call the Samaritans on 0345 909090 for confidential and anonymous emotional support, which can help victims of bullying with suicidal thoughts.

Contact The Children's Legal Centre on 01206 873820 for legal advice on the bullying of children.

When your child is the bully:
If it is your child who is doing the bullying, there are a number of steps you can take to help them stop, the first being to find out if your child is being bullied themselves.

Then take an honest look at your home situation. Are there any obvious contributing factors such as a job loss, divorce or death in the family which your child needs help to deal with?

Talk to your child and ensure you listen to them carefully. Talk to, or visit, Childline or Kidscape (as above). Both organisations offer advice and information on how to help your child stop bullying.